January 17, 2014

In Memoriam

Photo via Instagram // jfreddie

I'm not going to lie, 2014 has gotten off to a pretty bad start in my neck of the woods. 
It started off with a terrible stomach bug while I was far from home (more on that later), and most significantly my grandma passed away on the first Sunday of the year, so I had to fly up to Ohio at the beginning of the semester. It's an understatement to say that these first couple weeks have been emotional, chaotic, and stressful. Between being sick and getting that terrible news, I haven't really cared about anything that hasn't been completely necessary, so blogging has taken a back seat obviously.

I told y'all in my last post that my grandma wasn't doing well, and I appreciate any of you who took a moment to lift my family up in prayer. This past year has seen a lot of death. I've lost both of my grandmothers, a classmate I had known since third grade, and I've had countless friends for whom I've mourned lose loved ones. It's a hard piece of reality that I've had to face and come to terms with, and it doesn't getting any easier.

My grandma was a huge part of my life. I grew up with her being no more than 20 minutes away. She babysat me every summer while my mom was at work. I saw her almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas plus multiple days a week throughout the year. She was a grandma who was there. A couple years ago she made the move back to Ohio where she raised my mom and her four siblings, and my aunt and uncle have been taking care of her since. It's been so strange not having her around, but she was still just a phone call away. I talked to her ever so often, and she was always so proud of me and all that I was accomplishing. And she's been obsessed with Bryan even though she never met him. My mom opened my Dean's List letter that arrived at my house today, and it's so hard that neither my mom nor I can call my grandma to tell her. She would have loved to hear that.

It's like you go through spurts, you know? You're fine and going through your day like it's any other day, but then out of no where it just hits you, and you can't stop thinking about what you don't have anymore. Now that it's all said and done and we've had our small service for her, I'm managing pretty well I think. I'm pretty good at accepting things and looking at things from a third person point of view, but I still get those moments where I'm just like, my grandma is gone.

Honestly, I don't really know where this post is going. I'm sure this isn't the type of stuff y'all want to read at the start of the year when we're all trying to have a "fresh start," but, you know, I love my grandma, and it just didn't feel right going about my blogging life without first acknowledging her life and the impact she had on me. She was such a significant part of my life, and I'm missing her every day. But she's in a much better place - a kind of paradise I don't think the human mind is capable of processing - and I know one day I'll see her again. For the time being she's reunited with her daughter and my aunt, her sister, and the rest of the late Learned clan. May she forever rest peacefully, and glory be to God for making her into yet another Guardian Angel to watch over me and the rest of my family.

I love you, Grandma.

The Egts Family
L to R: my mom, my grandpa, Auntie Kim, Uncle Stevie, Auntie Kris (2007), Aunt Kelly, and my grandma (January 5, 2014)


  1. So sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's always such a surreal feeling when you're trying to grasp the fact that someone just isn't around anymore. Grief definitely comes in waves, but there's life beyond death so you'll see her again. I'll continue to keep you and your family in my prayers :)

  2. Thanks you so much. I really appreciate it.