June 17, 2012

Day 21: Top 5 Deal-Breakers in a Relationship

I've always heard you should write a list of everything you look for in a life partner. After you write the list you should circle 10 of those aspects or characteristics. Then you should narrow the list down even farther to just five points, and those five points are called your "non-negotiables." They are the things that your partner must fulfill in order for you to have a solid relationship. Everything else should just be bonuses. And it keeps you from expecting too much or being unreasonable about another person. For the past year I've done a lot of thinking, and I'm proud of the five non-negotiables I've come up with.

  1. Family-oriented. Family is so important to me. I hate being distant from my relatives, and I want my future husband to feel the same. I want to be close to his family, and I want him to be close to mine. I want our families to enjoy being around each other.
  2. Trust. One of my biggest flaws is jealousy. I get jealous over the tiniest of things. I've been working hard on it, but at the end of the day it's part of my personality. My future husband needs to know that. He needs to assure me that he only has eyes for me, and I have to be able to trust and believe him. And he needs to trust me as well. If I'm being controlling and constantly questioning his intentions or vice versa, the relationship is over. 
  3. Manners/Chivalry. I was born and raised in the South, so a true gentleman is a must. I should never have to remind him to open my door, to introduce me to people, to take off his hat when he walks in the door, or to give a firm handshake. He should know it. If I have to teach him how to be a gentleman, he's not the man for me. "If he's nice to you but not nice to the waiter, he's not a nice guy."
  4. He's going places. The feminists are going to hate this, but I'm an old-fashioned girl. I think the man should be the bread-winner in a relationship. I don't want to make more money than my husband, and I sure as hell will not financially support a man. And considering my current "Plan A" is to go to law school and become an attorney, he needs to have his priorities in check. He needs to be intelligent, and he needs to be determined and driven to be successful. "I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me."
  5. Adventurous. I am going to travel to every corner of this planet. Period. If he's not willing to traipse around the world with me, I'm not willing to traipse down the aisle for him. When I'm on my deathbed, I want to be able to look back on my life and say, "I can't believe I did that." And I want to have done it all with the love of my life.
If a guy I'm seeing doesn't possess all of the above, consider it a deal-breaker.



*Part of the 30 Day Challenge

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