May 4, 2015

April Goal Recap

April was a blur it seems. Only two posts here on SS Jess, and now all of a sudden it's May. And it's 80 degrees outside, and the first round of summer clothing has made a bold takeover in my retail job.

I was so stressed out last month. I had a handful of big emotional breakdowns. You know, in high school when you're dating, if you and your boyfriend break up it's like the end of the world. Having your heart broken for the first time is one of the absolute worst feelings, and it's so much worse if it happens in high school because you're immature and terrible at getting a grip on your emotions. Last month though, I experienced negative emotions that were so much worse than my high school break ups. Even though my break up sadness made me feel paralyzed and alone, I still always knew that I would eventually get over it at some point. But last month, I wasn't sure if I would ever get out of the awful black hole I had fallen into. In high school I felt alone, but last month I felt helpless. And I've decided that helpless is so much worse than alone.

April 13, 2015

Chit Chat v.2

+ One of my favorite things about the spring season is tanning. In the summer, especially when you're not on a beach, it gets so hot so fast, and there's really no relief anywhere. So laying out might not be the most peaceful. But in the springtime, tanning is so relaxing. The weather is nice; it's hot but not so hot that you think you might have a heat stroke. And it's one of the best feelings to come out of hibernation and get some good ole vitamin D. I've just started tanning for real this past week, and I feel like a million bucks.

April 10, 2015

April Goals

floating (adj):
not fixed or settled in a definite place or state

That's pretty much how I've been feeling since February - like I'm floating, like I'm drifting around in Limbo. No one ever tells you how stressful that time between graduating and finding a real job is; no one ever mentions how lost you'll feel. I thought starting a career wouldn't be that hard considering my past experiences, but that's totally not the case. Everyone likes to talk about how so many jobs are being created blah blah blah, and I'm just like, "where?" This is the first time in my life when I've truly felt like I'm struggling. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I thought I was doing the right thing up until now. But recently the only words I have to describe my state of being are confusion, stress, mediocrity, and doubt. I feel like I'm in a tunnel, and there's absolutely no light at the end of it.